just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
