ya dads aren't the best wingmen
we're chasing vodka with high fives
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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