Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
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