Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
