My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Randomize
