you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
