At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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