Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
