There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
