I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
