i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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