You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
