Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
