Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
