I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
