This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
