Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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