"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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