the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
