she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
