DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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