I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
