Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
