FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
