I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
