There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
