Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize