And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Randomize
