So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
