I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Randomize