Ambien. No doubt about it.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
