Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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