So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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