ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
