She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
