I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
