i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
