I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
