If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
