I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize