i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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