So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize
