if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Randomize
