I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
