My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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