we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
