I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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