I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
