Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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