allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
