Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She's JV to your varsity
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
