dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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