you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
In America we eat man semen.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
