Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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