It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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