just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
