dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
