you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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