Having a random hookup so left but love u
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
