FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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