his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
