I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
