She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
