so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
