We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
