Ambien. No doubt about it.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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