why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
