I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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