If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
