I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
