I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
smell my finger.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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