Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
